#7 The thing that's holds us back from starting or launching something new - and where to find courage
Episode Summary & Links
If you have a skill you want to start learning or a passion project you secretly want to launch but there's an inner voice that says:
it's too late
you'll never master it
don't embarrass yourself
stick with what you know
people will laugh and judge you
... then this a refreshing episode to jump into as I explore some of the reasons why I felt such panic and ALMOST didn't launch this podcast or the relaunch of Free Wild Souls website.
I also share some tips and shifts in perspectives that finally got me OUT of that toxic self-deprecating mindset, such as:
overcoming fear of rejection, failure, and my perfectionism
what it takes to actually master a skill and what we adults are missing
finding the motivation, purpose and WHY that's bigger than yourself
how having role models and mentors gave me the permission I needed
introspective questions for you to ponder or journal on
Lastly, I'm looking to expand my team and collaborate with more experts. So, if you're a fellow creative, online business manager/integrator, or entrepreneur looking to help grow and scale small businesses, send me an email to: dreamers@freewildsouls.com
Let's continue the conversation over at:
https://www.instagram.com/emilypeilan/
Meet fellow Freedom Nomads on a unique retreat experience, join here: https://www.freewildsouls.com/retreats
Create more freedom by learning how to attract more website traffic and ideal clients with my free Website & SEO checklists:
https://www.arohavisuals.com/resources
Episode Transcript
Emily Peilan: Hello, my beautiful friends. Welcome back to another episode. So I was thinking a lot about what episode I wanted to, what topic I wanted to do for this one, and. , having recently launched Free Wild Souls and this podcast and feeling so many things, limiting beliefs judgment, perfectionism, everything coming up for me, I thought I would actually do an episode on how to find the courage to start something that you've always wanted to.
But you haven't yet for whatever reason it is. And what some of the reasons might be that are holding you back. Because I never thought so much shit would come up for me in the launch of this like podcast. In the launch of this you know, new project, free Wild Souls, so much imposter syndrome so many things and.
Yeah, like even doing a podcast, like I've always wanted to do a podcast. And it's not to like, I don't know, talk about myself or to Yeah, not, yeah, I don't know. I just always felt like, ah, people do podcasts. Like, would people think like it's a. I don't know, just think like you are arrogant or you're just it's all about you, you, you.
But like for me, it was never really about that. And I think I felt a lot of fear of possibly being judged if I did do a podcast. That, that that's what people would think. . But for me it's like, I just really, I love sharing stories. I think we learn so much from stories and whenever I meet somebody new I'm always fascinated by their stories.
I love to just ask questions. I love to just, you know, hear how they got to where they are and, and share that with people like that. is like the primary reason why I started this podcast, and I have so many inspiring people. I'd love to, and I cannot wait to, to have on here as guests and share their stories with you.
But yeah, so going back to why does episode yeah, I, I remember the morning after I launched everything. I like woke up and I was like freaking out. I was like sending it to certain people, but I was feeling really like mm, like it wasn't perfect. I felt really like proud, but not proud at the same time, and.
Just, just kind of like, ah, I couldn't pinpoint what it was and, and so I needed to get outta my head. And so I went to the pool and just, you know, did a few laps, did a few, like scuba underwater, just to like calm the mind. And this, I had this like, massive realization that it hit me. I was, okay. Two things.
One We as adults really suck at letting ourselves suck at something, especially if we're new to it. Cuz I was, I was looking at, while I was swimming, there were some children alongside, there were like doing a lesson or something. There were like, I don't know, eight, maybe 10 or something. They're like super awkward.
Just playing about , like super, like lanky, and. awkward movements, and I had a little chuckle and I just thought, wow, like once upon a time I was like that, you know, I didn't end up being a competitive swimmer just by hopping in the water and, and being naturally talented. No, like I put in so much hard work, like anyone who knew me at high school knew that I was training.
20 hours a week, like two hours in the morning from five till seven, and then another two hours after school from like four till six, and then extra gym sessions sometimes in between. It was like, I really worked for that and it took years and years of like daily commitment. Daily yeah, daily, oh, what's the word I'm looking for?
Just like daily. Improvements and you don't really see the final result immediately. It's like a progression of these small minute improvements that you make in your stroke that finally gets you to being pro. And I thought, wow, like we, why is it that we give children. Such a long grace period because I feel like for some, for using the swimming exa, using the swimming example, we give them a period of like a few years to kind of like suck at swimming before we kind of expect them to be semi good at it and another few more years before we expect them to be like.
Competitive national level pro, and I just thought, wow, like for us adults, we don't give ourselves that grace period. We're like so hard on ourselves is if we don't get, you know, I. To be perfect within, let's say three goes, it's like, oh, third time lucky. Nope, wasn't the charm, didn't get it. Obviously not for me.
And I get a lot of people say that about, for example, surfing swimming, things like that. It's like obviously like. And some people might be naturally talented, but they still have to work for it. But picking any, any skill up, any, anything requires time and dedication, commitment, and a belief in yourself that, that you can do it.
and and yeah, so I just thought, wow, like I kind of expected everything to be perfect, like my first podcast ever, and I only just started it. So how can I expect myself to be perfect? Like what is this grace period that I'm willing to give myself for it to like suck. Before, before I start to see or expect incremental improvements.
So, so yeah, that is one thing. And I just think the takeaway from that is that us as adults, if you are wanting to pick up a new skill, whether it be dancing or a new language or the piano, lots of people wanna learn through piano or any musical instrument or surfing it. Give yourself a grace period. Like you're not gonna just do one lesson, two lessons, and then be like, marvelously good at it.
If children take years. You know, at least give yourself a year or a few months at least to, to be good at it. Right. So, so yeah. I hope you. going forward learning new skill that you can give yourself some, a longer grace period to suck at the new thing that you're wanting to do. And the second realization I had as I was underwater doing scuba for those of you who don't know scuba is like when you're holding your breath underwater and you're just kind of.
Kind of like a little bit like free diving, but like without the fins and you're just using your own kicking and movements to get yourself across the pool. Yeah, so I was doing some scuba trying to hold my breath and just challenge myself and my head kept being filled with these thoughts of like, ah, you could have done this better and you messed this one up, and the audio was so bad in this one.
And like, and all these things that. I don't know. My, my brain can be so mean to me sometimes. It's, it's awful. But I was, at one point I was like, look, Emily, like can, is like, we're underwater right now. We can't really do anything, so can you just like, please shut up and. And finally that kind of like did shift the perspective for me a little bit.
I thought, okay, well, like it's true. I can't do anything. I'm underwater holding my breath at the pool. Like all of that craziness can wait until I get back to the co-working space. And right now it's like what can we feasibly, realistically control right now in this moment? And the only thing was my breath and.
That was it. Or not breathing cuz I was underwater. So it's like, okay, so basically let's just, let's just allow ourselves these thoughts to just come and then let's just let them go. Let's choose to let these thoughts go. so that we can find some peace underwater, so that we can like go longer. Cuz when your head is freer, you, you can go much further underwater.
And can we find joy in this moment right now underwater? Like, and, and that was like a massive. Sort of like epiphany for me. I was like, holy shit. Like at any point, at any point in the day wherever we are, even if it's underwater and you can't breathe and you can't speak or anything, it's like we get the choice to choose to let negative thoughts go and to just fine peace and happiness like right there in our.
In our breath, whether or not we're breathing or not. . And, and that was profound for me. I was like, wow, like I have this power over myself every day at any point. And that really helped me to just calm down a lot, calm my nervous system, which was like still freaking out at that point. . Yeah. And so kind of upon reflection after my swimming session, I went and journaled a lot and wanted to kind of get into some of the limiting, the limiting beliefs that I had or get into why I was feeling so petrified.
Still, I don't know how other people feel when they launch a podcast, if they're like celebrating, if they're like super confident for me. I was like the opposite of that and I was like, okay, Emily, like let's analyze this. Let's You know, let's journal and see what comes up. And so here are a few things that came up for me.
Okay. So I am gonna break it down into like six points. One is, , you always see the worst in your work. You see all the mistakes, you see all the flaws. But other people, they see the good things. And so it really helps to have some supportive people, friends, family to. kind of go through your work or to just have a look at through your work and to give you feedback and you'd be surprised that the things they see and the things they notice and love are so different to what you have, like going through your head, running around like, like, yeah, just.
Ripping apart your work, basically. So it helps to definitely surround yourself with supportive people and to remember that you see the worst in your work and people see the best two. I think if I didn't have the amazing support network that I had whether it be family friends fellow. Designers, entrepreneurs who kind of, when they heard I was gonna do a podcast, they're like, yeah, cool.
Like, I'm, I'm, you know, right behind you, like supporting you and let me know if there's anything you need. Let me know if, you know you want to send a preview to me and I can give you some feedback. And just like super supportive. Mostly females as well, which is so beautiful. And, oh, like I can't even tell you.
how much that means to me and meant to me because I think if it wasn't for them, if I didn't have people that I could have bounced ideas back and forth, or people who were just there to support me, they were like, you know, if you think about it like a, a birthing situation, they're like, my doulas, they're like, my midwives, like, they helped me.
This project wouldn't be here. This podcast wouldn't be here without the collective. Having been there helped me, gave me words of encouragement and yeah, just like support me emotionally, but also like creatively and everything. So I am so grateful for them and the importance of surrounding yourself with people who you do feel supported by and nourished by definitely goes a long way.
Definitely don't underestimate the power of that if you are looking to start something new or to try something new or to launch a project or something like that. Yeah, people are everything. So point number three, rebirth. There was point where I had to ask myself, okay, why am I such making such a big deal out of this?
Like, why? am I so scared? Why is my nervous system freaking out? And it kind of hit me that not only was I giving birth to this project, free Wild Souls and, and this podcast, but consequently I was also giving birth to a new evolution of myself, a new chapter phase. Transformation of, of me. And by kind of launching this, giving birth to this project, there was kind of no going back.
And you know, if you've ever heard stories of like new moms I hear this a lot from people who are recently like, you know, new moms a part of you. , yeah. There is a part of you that dies when you give birth to your baby. And not that this is anything remotely similar, but I did feel like a part of me had to die.
In order for me to step into this, this perhaps higher version of myself. is now responsible, for keeping this baby alive, is keeping this project alive. But also like sharing stories, sharing intimate parts of my life sharing kind of the behind the scenes and not always just the, the highlights, the fine bubbly highlight reels that you see on my Instagram, which is, you know, Of my life.
But on the flip side, there is also this other part of my life that I felt like, that I felt like was inappropriate for Instagram or just that wasn't the right platform, the right space to kind of share deeper thoughts insights that I'd love to share and, and stories. So, so yeah, like I felt like , I'm able to step into this new, this new kind of phase or part identity part of me that that previously didn't exist.
And I'm still exploring. I'm still going to be falling, failing a lot as I grow into this higher. , larger version of me. And and yeah, I had to let go. The part of me that had to die was a lot of the limiting beliefs and the, the fears, the judgment that I had, mostly for myself. And learning a whole new level of acceptance.
It's like, , can I? And this is point number four, by the way, acceptance . Can I accept and publish work even when it's not perfect? Can I finally let go of striving for perfection and instead strive for authenticity, rawness, realness, and the truth, and by giving myself permission. , and this is point number five, actually permission by giving myself permission to share something or to launch a project that feels still super messy and unfinished, but still of value and feels true to me.
Like, like am I then also giving permission to all these other creators out there? You, whoever it may be. You know, it's that, it's that kind of like ripple effect of like, if I give myself permission then consequently we are always giving other people permission to, to also share their truth, to launch their project, even if it does still feel messy and incomplete and not perfect.
And on a deeper note, it's. Can we still be proud of ourselves and love ourselves? Even when the thing that we published or launched or, or did or tried and we knew that it could be infinitely better. Like our self love is not attached to perfection. It's not attached to this project or this skill or the mastery of a skill.
It's, it's separate from. and yeah, so the last point, sixth point. I often wonder when I launched something, if perhaps I'm dreaming too big, if maybe I should have played smaller. And yeah, just, I don't know, done it smaller or just. Not dream so big, like why, why do I put the pressure on myself to to have everything done and ready and to.
To have such a big vision in my mind in the first place. But I think something about all the inspiring digital nomads and, and the entrepreneurs here that I've met here, I think they've really sparked me to dream big and to go for it. And and the message that I, you know, I kind of, get from, from these amazing, successful entrepreneurs.
It's like, you know, like we. To where we are by simply playing small and being perfect, you know, they got to where they are By staying true to themselves, by dreaming big, creating a lot of value, and then always finding ways to make it better. , there is so much fear behind starting something new. There's this fear of rejection because, I dunno, people might think you are crazy or because you think differently to them all of a sudden.
Or you share your opinions and they're like, Hmm, I don't think I like it, or I agree with it. And you know, you might have a few people want to like. Not want to be friends with you anymore, or you might have a fear of failure. Fear of not being perfect, fear of being judged. And this is like I. When you feel fair, it's almost like you have to, like fair is like telling you where you need to lean in more.
It's almost like telling you like this is the, an aspect of you that you need to, like, a challenge you need to overcome. And, and the thing that I think for me especially with this podcast and with this project, What? Having a bigger why behind it. Like a bigger, why bigger than myself really helped push and motivate me despite all of this fear of like, rejection.
All of the fears of like everything basically. And my why. Is basically to inspire people to live a life that feels more free and wild and aligned and happy. I feel like it's, I've met so many people and of course, Happy people. There are also, I mean, for example, there are digital nomads and entrepreneurs who are super happy and thriving in life.
And there are also those who are really successful, but they're really sad and they don't, they don't have either the time, well, they don't, they've forgotten how to enjoy life and, and I feel like it's, this isn't just for people who are wanting financial freedom, it's just like, , I want to share different ways of living so that everybody, like no matter what your background is or where you're currently at, like you can find inspiration from different stories to live a life that feels a little bit more adventurous and exciting.
And and yes, that. This is something that feels really important for me, I think perhaps, yeah, because the majority of my life, I, I didn't feel like I had that freedom. I didn't feel like I could give that to myself. I felt like I was chained down by society, by a tradition, by, I don't know, maybe like family rules by my gender.
This was the only way I could live. Like this is my path and I had to do it, and how fucking freeing it was when I realized that, no, you know what, actually I don't need any of that. I can create my own life. Even especially in business, like you can make and create what you want, what feels true for you, and you can be successful, you can thrive.
You don't have to play by the rules. , you get to create your own rules. And if you are not happy or finding a lot of joy in your work, like why don't you ask yourself perhaps like, okay what's something I could do that brings me joy? And to feel motivated again, by, by joy. It's not like we have to be happy chappy all the time, but like overall, you know, are you.
How many people could say that they are genuinely in love with their life? And I mean, for I for one, absolutely. Like I am in love with my life. Like I go to bed most nights and I'm just like, I'm the luckiest person on earth Like. I just, I love every single day that I get to be here, that I get to like fall asleep in this like bed and to live here and to do what I do.
And it just, yeah, it's beautiful. And so anyway, long story short, I should be rounding off this long podcast episode, but but yeah, like. Strong. Why? Of just wanting to share this like beautiful feeling of being in love with life with like everyone is like my biggest why. And for a lot of people it's like they are chained down by their jobs because they need to make money, they need to be Doing or they think they need to be doing this job in order to have the money so that they can do this and then have a bit of freedom.
It's like, well, no, actually, you know, what if there are more possibilities? What if, you know, through stories with inspiring pupil, like could expand your realm of what you could do and. Yeah, just like allow yourself and give yourself the permission to explore different avenues, especially while you're still young, especially when you're in your twenties.
Yeah. And I think especially for females, like, you know, go and live your life and not be like, just live more boldly I think as well. I think as females. often. I've gotten this a lot. It's kinda like, oh, you're sort of expected to be in a relationship, or you're expected to be married by a certain age, or you're expected to have children by a certain age.
And I don't know. I always kind of felt that restriction on my freedom on my youth and I'm now, as I'm narrowing my. Thirties, I've got a few more years left. I actually feel less of that, which is really interesting. Less, less restrictions and, and more freedom. So yeah, so I think what helped me the most actually in achieving or finally.
Creating, designing intentionally this, this lifestyle that to me feels free and wild and, and super aligned, is having female role models to look up to who, you know, who show up authentically, unapologetically, just themselves, who aren't fuss about being perfect and, and all of that shit. Because they have, they have a.
Why they're showing up, not just for themselves, but for their purpose, for their why, and and it's just been so inspiring to be surrounded by these incredible women who are just powerhouses, but also like the kindest human beings. And I definitely think that more women should. Stepping into the, the world of entrepreneurship and stepping more into their voices and and just.
Internal powerhouse that they have inside of them. So yeah, the last challenge I kind of find myself having now my hands is when I create something I often forget. I need to like, promote it, share it. I'm more of a, I'm more of a creator in that sense. I like, I do it, I love to create it. And then I love to like move on to the.
Thing, and I can't tell if. an avoidance character trait, or that's just like how I am, that's just like how I work best. But yeah, I definitely need to stop promoting it a little bit more. So if you happen to be liking these episodes and you think like a friend or family member might enjoy it or get something out of it Deeply, deeply appreciate you sharing this podcast with them.
And I'm currently going through a phase now where I'm like all for collaboration. So if you are a creative or if you have more of the entrepreneurial mindset or you love systems, you. The operational backend side of things and you are like super analytical. Just whatever skill you have, if you are currently thinking about, hey, you know, like, it'd be really cool to collaborate.
I have a semi exciting project coming up still in its baby infancy stages. But I. Please shoot me a DM with like, a little intro about you, what you do, what you love to do and get in touch. Like, I really wanna like collaborate more that there's so much there's so much magic when we all come together and create something together.
And this is something that I'm really leaning more. this phase of this next phase of mine, my journey, let's say. So yeah, I'd love to hear from you or if you know any friends who are creatives, entrepreneurs, you know, system operational. Geniuses please send them my way. You can send me a DM on Instagram at Emily Peilan, or you can email me emily@arohavisuals.com.
I'll link them both in the show notes below. And yeah. Thanks so much for tuning into this episode, guys. I hope it was insightful and sending you guys a massive. And sunny Vibes from Lisbon in Portugal. Until next time, Ciao.
